Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she began to fly

My treatment started on the 9th of January and I never thought I would see the end. Cancer treatment has been by far the darkest, most consuming experience of my life and definitely one I hope to never have to endure again. The last weeks of treatment I could barely function. Every time I had to use the bathroom the pain was unbearable, I couldn’t walk more than a few steps without feeling dizzy and faint, the ringing in my ears interrupted my thoughts and conversations, every part of me ached and I couldn’t process my thoughts or how I was feeling. I was in a daze, being ushered to and from hospital but apart from that I barely left my bed. A blood transfusion gave me a new lease of life however this new found energy only lasted until my next chemotherapy.

Four weeks and three days on from my last chemotherapy and Miracles have truly happened. Since being diagnosed I have harboured an anger towards God, before I got the results I prayed and prayed for any other illness. I lay in the bath and I just kept praying through tears “please God please anything but cancer” for me at that point cancer meant I was going to die and if not straight away, soon. When my results confirmed it, my world ended and I completely turned my back on believing God was with me. If he was with me why did he not answer my prayers, why did he not save me from this? Was I not a good enough person to receive his help? Had I not done a good thing giving my aunt the chance to be a mother? Soon all these thoughts disappeared and I was left believing that life is hard sometimes and this was just bad luck. The Monday before my last chemotherapy everything changed, God stretched out his arms and wrapped them around me, he showed me he had been there right by my side every step of the way. God was planning my healing before my treatment had even begun. He sent a message on December 1st to a very special lady called Michelle and told her that she was going to meet a “Rebecca” and this “Rebecca” was going to need healing, he told her to be bold and have the courage she needed to help this person. At the time she didn’t know who or when this person would cross her path but when our roads crossed she knew it was me. Listening to her story of how and when she got this message my eyes filled with tears, looking back now this was Gods hug. In the days after meeting Michelle and as her words settled in my heart I was reminded of a poem, a poem which some of you may have came across before called footprints in the sand For anyone though that hasn’t heard it here it is…….

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand; one belonged to him, and the other to the Lord.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. “Lord, you said that once I decided to follow you, you’d walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don’t understand why when I needed you most you would leave me”

The Lord replied, “my precious precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.”

Since being diagnosed with cancer, I believed that God had forgotten me, I know now that this was when he carried me. He carried me through each and every treatment, he protected me during surgeries, he gave me strength to keep going and blessed me in ways I can only see now. He has healed me of every ailment, cancer treatment seems like a distant memory. I feel like me again. I’m back to laughing and joking with my children, caring for them, cooking family meals enjoying days out together. God is truly amazing and I feel exceptionally blessed to know his love and for all he has given me.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Has my treatment worked? I don’t know yet…… ten weeks after treatment I will have an mri only then will this question be answered. In the meantime though I’m happy and filled with joy and peace. I am not worried, or scared of what’s to come because I know that God is with me. I don’t know what my path will have in store, One thing that I am sure of though is that whatever comes my way, I will get through it.

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Just when the caterpillar thought her life was over, she began to fly

  1. In some ways having been successfully treated for cancer, (I’m a recent cancer survivor) can feel like a curse. Why am I so blessed and why must you go so much further down the hell hole? My heart and prayers go out to you. Perhaps the silver lining is how much your story, your pain and worries resonate within me and calls me to pray for you and yours wholeheartedly. Pax Christi, Doug

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s