I learned the meaning of a quote this week, a quote by Flora Edwards which reads “In helping others, we shall help ourselves, for whatever good we give out completes the circle and comes back to us.” I met a lady on Tuesday morning and she told me of her situation, her diagnosis, her fears of what was to come in the course of the day. I could sympathise with her on so many levels because only a week ago this was me, sitting petrified of having the picc line put in, petrified of chemo and the effects. I was quick to try and offer some reassurance about what lay ahead of her. I wanted to try anything to help take away some of her panic. We went are separate ways and later in the day I asked the nurses how she was and asked them to tell her if she wanted some company to point her in my direction, a short time later, both hooked up to our chemo drips we sat and talked for hours. I was glad to know that my earlier words had been of some use. The ten and half hours in hospital that day went much quicker and my concern for another person distracted me from my own worries, it give me a purpose and made me thankful for my situation. This lady has been in my thoughts daily since and I believe it’s helped me through all this week. I didn’t change this persons life, or do anything extraordinary for her I was just a friend when she needed one. I hope I helped her as much as she helped me this week.
Since starting treatment all I have heard repeatedly is about being careful. Being careful of infection, careful not to catch any bugs, not to get sick. As a result I’ve become a paranoid wreck that checks her temperature every hour and sleeps with her Apple watch on in case her heart stops beating during the night. We have dozens of hand gel pumps around the house and the kids are fully quarantined when arriving home from an unknown place. I believe prevention is better than cure but I also believe that everything happens for a reason. The good the bad and the ugly. As humans we tend to live on facts and figures we like to know who what where when and why, we find it hard to trust in something that we don’t fully understand. I have said it before and I’ll say it again I’m one of these people, I like to understand why? They say knowledge is power and to a certain point I would agree. Being diagnosed with cancer I tried to find an explanation, but I simply couldn’t. I started to think about everything leading me up to this point in my life and I was amazed and gained a sense of peace by some of the so called coincidences I could notice. Even though I didn’t know the plan, God did and nothing else mattered. I’m not saying I was able to find the meaning to life or that I was able to discover the reason behind some of these coincidences, but it was enough to make me sure of the saying that everything happens for a reason. I believe that becoming a young mum was meant to be, considering my soon to be infertility. I believe that the ivf was successful and I gave maxwell life, so that he could save mine. When I was 5 years old and scribbled on the back of a Jamaican dollar bill as a present to my aunt, I had no idea that 18 years later I would be getting married on a beautiful beach in Jamaica. But again I believe that it happened for a reason. The people who have came into my life whether they have stayed or not have all been to guide me somewhere. Every single thing no matter how small that’s ever happened in our life time has been teaching us something or preparing us for something we just haven’t known about it. This journey through cancer is teaching me and preparing me for something for sure, I just need to hold tight and see where it takes me. I need to trust without the facts and figures, without the explanation and know that all this is meant to be.