I never realised until recently how many occasions in life that flowers are suitable for. Want to say thank you we buy flowers, want to say sorry we buy flowers, get well soon we buy flowers, getting married we buy flowers, someone dies we buy flowers. When I arrived home from hospital my house was filled with several vases of flowers, It took me a while to decide exactly why I was getting the flowers. I was home from having a baby, but I had also just been told that I could have cancer. Where these “well done you” flowers or “get better soon soon” flowers??
Cancer seeps into your life like a poison and touches everything, your memories, your family, your daily thoughts. It consumes you and leaves you feeling like a rug has just been pulled from under your feet. Standing in a busy room full of people yet your frozen and everything seems a blur around you. I felt detached from conversations and when I was enjoying being around family and friends it was bittersweet because I was thinking of all the wonderful people in my life I could be leaving behind. Putting my children to bed every night filled me with sadness, I am petrified of leaving them without a mummy to love them and protect them. Who would put my little girls hair in pigtails? Who would show her how to put on makeup? who would teach her about boys when she is older? Who would help my son with his homework’s? Who would encourage him with his hobbies and be his number one fan? Im angry at the thought of maybe not being here to watch them grow up and to know what amazing people they turn into, what jobs they will have. I never knew how much I wanted to be a granny until now. I was petrified.